Well i've had a lovely x-mas. But this bloody cancer is always in the back of my mind. I'm back on pain killers, as the pain is becoming unbarable. I've tried not to complain when i'm around people, as I feel i'm bringing them down too.
The swelling over my right clavicle is back, and as big as ever, and the lump under my arm has grown and aches.
My chest is the worst (where the pain is). I can guarentee the tumours will have grown, as I am even sore to the touch now :(
Still not heard from London about the trial, and I am getting worried as the pain is increasing, and I really need some sort of treatment before it all gets out of hand.
I phoned Christies to chase the London appointment up, but was told by my consultants secretary that the Secretary in London is away until 11th January, so I probably won't hear anything until after then - which goes against what my Doctors said about being treated in the first few weeks of January.
I'm trying my hardest not to get depressed, and I think i've just about made myself 'numb' about the cancer around people now. But this is the first time on my own for quite a few days, and it's all coming down on me now.
Daycare at the hospice has been closed over x-mas, so i've had no one to talk to about it there, and haven't seen the doctor either.
I'm actually starting to get scared for the first time.
It's been so long since any treatment (August), and the Drs know all my tumours are growing......
I'll just keep plodding on as usual, being strong (but in pain!)