My History

I've been wanting to write a blog about my experiences for a while, but never did get around to it.
I've finally decided to sit down and sort it all out, so i'll start at the beginning, and add some blog entries from my diary.
Apologies if some entries are long, and also written in different tenses - it depends when I actually wrote them!

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Day -6

Didn’t sleep till around 3am after a bit of a wobble of emotions, then woken up at 7:30 for obs and bloods, although the nurse brought me a cup of tea to make up for it!
Was back asleep by around 8am, and slept until 10am, and got a cup of tea, toast and a newspaper brought to me!
Struggled with my medication as usual – another panic attack, I have a feeling there’s going to be a lot of those.
Have had a [cold] shower, got dressed into jogging bottoms and a t-shirt. Room has been cleaned and bedding changed, and Sandra the lady who cleaned my room has been a star and chased up a few things for me, got me a blanket for my bed and a heater for the room, and a few bits I needed in the bathroom. Still lots to chase up, but I’m getting there.
Feeling rather isolated and anxious, and hoping these feelings will go, but I’m not sure they will. I have a feeling I will actually lose my sanity!

12:20pm – wobble time. Been told to take my piercings out, and my engagement ring off. Strangely it all upsets me. Doctor said I could have my ring on a chain round my neck, but I’ve always been told I can’t wear chains when I have a Hickman line. So leaving that on my finger until I start to retain fluid and swell up. Taking my piercings out is hard enough (had them for so long, and they are a part of me), but my ring means too much to take off unless I have to.
So my ears are now full of big holes, and nothing to fill them. I know my health is more important, but altering something that is a part of your life is hard.

16:25pm – my eyes are so heavy and my mind a bloody mess. It’s hard to see a way through all this to the end when you can’t even see the next hour. I knew this would be hard, but is it supposed to be so emotionally hard so early into it?
I’m so restless yet can’t do anything about it apart from pace up and down. I tried watching TV but there was nothing interesting on. I tried reading but I’m not seeing the words or taking anything in.
I don’t want to eat or drink, but I know I’ve got to force myself.
I haven’t stopped shaking since I came in, and am prone to bursting into tears for no reason.

HB - 9.2
White - 3.1
[Neutrophils - 2.1]
Platelets - 334

No comments:

Post a Comment