My History

I've been wanting to write a blog about my experiences for a while, but never did get around to it.
I've finally decided to sit down and sort it all out, so i'll start at the beginning, and add some blog entries from my diary.
Apologies if some entries are long, and also written in different tenses - it depends when I actually wrote them!

Friday, 15 October 2010

Chemo and stuff

I thought I had better update now, or I'll be crap as usual and not update for a while.

Theres been some bloody fantastic things, and then the chemo (which for chemo is ok...but still not as fantastic as other things).

I had my Hickman line put in on Friday 8th.
Now of course I knew what to expect as it's my second line in as many year. It was a little more painful than the first time though, as this time it's a double lumen (which means it has 2 ends on it, so I can receive more drugs at the same time). But overall the experience was as expected, with little soreness afterwards.

The weekend to follow was one of the best in my life. Good times :)

Monday 11th saw an earlyish morning to come down to Christies to start Chemo.
I arrived nice and early, as requested, got brought to the ward, but didn't start on any drugs till about 3:30pm - which knocks the whole regeime back!
If anyone is interested, this is the treatment i'm currently having: ESHAP.

All has been uneventful I guess. 2 lots of visitors. (Tuesday and today)
Eyedrops 4x a day which I was totally not used to. 2-3 drip pumps at a time.
Bloody steroids making me hungry as hell and suffer from bad insomnia (thank goodness for Temazepam!) I've put on 1/2 stone since Monday, which I'm not happy about. 2 people have now commented my face looks different :(

I've had a bit of a depressing day today. Feeling very homesick and teary, and just need to be back with the people I love I think. Even if it is only for 2 weeks till I'm next in here again.
Lots and lots of feelings of guilt too. I know it's not my fault i'm ill, but I hate putting people through all this stress and shit. No one should have to go through it, and I hate myself for doing it to those close to me. I've really struggled with these feelings today - it's like a big fight inside my mind and it's hard to deal with.

I should have been home today (Friday) but because of the late start on Monday, it's going to be tomorrow that I can escape.
Cabin Fever is not good.

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